I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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