grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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