Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
