all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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