Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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