I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
