Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
