I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
