Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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