my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
