im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
