I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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