Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
