Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
