god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
