I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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