go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
