I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
