haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
