I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
