I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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