I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
