its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
