The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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