Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
