he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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