Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
