Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
