just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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