we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize