i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
