okay pat passed out under dana's car
Screwed.edu
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
