4 words: hood of his car
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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