I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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