She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
