She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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