when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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