I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
