??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
