I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
