I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize