Don't you send me to vm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize