He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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