Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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