Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
