I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
