I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
