I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
