By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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