dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
