i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
