I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
