He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
