This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
