Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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