Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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