im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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