Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
