Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
