So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
