he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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