The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
