Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
