I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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