I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize