My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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