I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
