Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize