I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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