Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
