Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
