I wish I only lived at night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
