Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
