call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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