just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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