Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
